personal: how quickly things change


Hello! I wanted to write today, which is about a year since my last post, only because it’s been a year and I’m just getting back to non-corporate, non-logistical, non-email writing now. That’s pretty much what most of my writing has been about over the past year.

So let me update you, in an organized, point-form fashion so you don’t get lost in the ever-so-interesting life-changing minutiae of my year:

  1. First – I started making a move to India around March 2015 with my then-boyfriend and it was all very new and different.
  2. A month or two later, we got engaged. I was over the moon. Still am.
  3. Then we moved into an apartment on our own and started a semi-permanent, indefinite stay in Bangalore.
  4. Meanwhile, I was working at his business (I closed things off with all my clients by mid-2015), adjusting to a new life, making new friends, learning about my new family, working on my music with a new band and planning our wedding in Goa from a distance.
  5. We got married two weeks ago. It was super fun. Yay! Now we will continue on with our lives.

It’s been exactly one year since we had the discussion to relocate temporarily. Some say that all of the above are grounds for extreme stress. I wouldn’t disagree. It’s been a tough year and it continues to be such. I usually take about a year to adjust to a place, as I’ve seen with my moves between Toronto-Montreal-Dubai, but this time my move is coupled with a lot of external factors which I feel are not as much in my control. I love India and the people here, but I don’t always feel like I fit in and I’ve been struggling with keeping my identity intact.

I wanted to write more frequently in here, but to me this is meant to be a thoughtful, positive space. I haven’t had the energy for that. I still continued writing to myself – I have a private diary on my phone and I have a private diary online which I’ve kept since I was 14 years old and used to use to dissect every little encounter with myself and the people around me….Nowadays I do much less of that, surprising as it may seem;) What it comes down to is having one set of words and thoughts reserved for the public space (this blog, my social profiles) and one set of thoughts for myself, where I won’t be judged. I’m sure you understand the difference and I hope you’ve got a similar arrangement for yourself.

I suppose this post is not about anything in particular. Mostly, it’s a hello, how are ya? It’s been awhile. I’ve changed. I’m sure you have. In fact, I really hope you have. Whoever you are. I’m excited about a few things that are happening in the next few months. I feel rejuvenated by all the love given to me at our wedding. I feel grateful for the amazing man and family I have in my life. I cry regularly, from happiness as well as from frustration and fear. Because I am also afraid of a lot of things and worried about a few things, but I won’t know what their outcome will be until I let them happen.

I have hopes and plans for 2017 that require the dedication of 2016 and the resilience of all the years before. In the past, I’ve strived for and achieved the things I’ve wanted most to learn and exude: gratitude, kindness and warmth (ongoing effort with this one;)), commitment, independence, and more. This time, it’s patience. It’s a resolution that is not defined by the changing of dates but rather a turning of tides. So, the next phase of my blog will be focused on letting time pass and filling each moment with the good, the healthy, the hopeful and the real. No matter what happens, everything will be real.

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